Mohair Sweaters, Clamdiggers & Vinyl Pants..
I must say, with all due modesty,
that when it comes to fashion…
I have always had a sense of style.
Unfortunately…
it’s always been a sense of bad style
When I look back at some of my wardrobe choices,
my fashion statement would be:
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??
Let’s go back to the early days.
There were no wardrobe choices.
I would wear whatever my Mom laid out for me.
Which would pretty much be a daily outfit of…
Dungarees,
(before they were called jeans),
always “high-cuffed”;
something from my collection of Yankee t-shirts;
high-top black Keds or Cons.
(NEVER white, they were for girls!)
Of course, finding pants,
(dungarees or otherwise),
to fit my super-skinny bod was a challenge.
My Mom would have to pin every pair of pants in the back
to accommodate my super-model-sized mini-waist.
As I soon discovered girls…
I became more style-conscious.
While restricted by budgetary concerns,
I searched the racks of sale items at Alexander’s or John’s Bargain Stores
to expand my wardrobe to include more “stylish” options.
Khakis,
Courderoys
and… what was called “Ivy League slacks”.
These beauties had a cool “belt-in-the back” feature
that had nothing to do with adjusting the fit…
but was there just for the “cool”.
(I read somewhere that left “unbuckled” signaled that one was “available”).?
Throwing on my new slacks,
matched up with a trendy “Shirt-Jac”…
I began finding my fashion groove.
And then came Summertime and my Camp Colang years.
At summer camp, I transformed into “Bobby”…
a girl-obsessed “cool kid” (?),
who spent lots of time trying to look good “for the ladies”.
Now, there were some camp wardrobe rules.
The camp colors were blue & white
and campers were pretty much required to wear the “uniform”.
Of course, I was able to bend the rules a bit.
Case in point…
When we had “inter-camp games” versus neighboring camps,
I found the perfect stage to flaunt my “style”.
The girls would come over from girls’ side to watch the boys play
for the honor of Colang.
PLUS…
there was a whole new group of lovelies, who came from the competing camp.
So, OK, I would wear my “blue & whites”…
but I’d rock my own super-cool (?) style.
Cut-off white shorts,
with a fuzzy blue Mohair sweater,
penny loafers,
no socks.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??
I looked like a combo of Daisy Duke, Liberace and RuPaul!?
As I stood at my 3rd Base position,
spending more time scoping the stands and flashing my flirty smile
than watching the batter…
a sharp line drive hit me right in the …
um…”center” of my white cut –offs.
Writhing in pain,
rolling on the dirt,
in 90-degree weather,
in a Mohair sweater…
I made quite an impression.
And then there was my night-time social attire.
I took a liking to Clamdiggers,
(often called “Calypso pants”),
complete with a draw-string front.
They were most often worn with a “boat neck” shirt.
I was a skinny Jewish “Harry Hell-afonte”!
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??
Then I arrived in high school,
still searching for my fashion identity.
It was the ‘60’s man!
So like so many others, I experimented…
(with my “looks”).
There was the “Greenwich Village” look…
where I tried to look like John Sebastion of the Lovin’ Spoonful.
Broad striped t-shirt,
fuzzy “vest”,
(which I must admit, was actually the zippered lining of my winter coat),
“Chukka boots”…
and of course, fake circle-rimmed glasses.
Then, the “Haight-Asbury faux hippie” look…
Paisley shirts,
colorful knit pants,
my Sun-In blonde hair.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
And the “British Invasion” look…
Bell bottoms,
skinny ties,
Pea Coat,
and the occasional turtle-neck or “dickie”.
Moving on to college…
and the great fashion decade of the ‘70’s.
Since I was the only kid from NYC in a small school in Michigan…
I felt it was my fashion duty, to show ‘em some style.
I began my college fashion foray…
when I did my own laundry for the first time.
No one ever told me that one should not wash one’s white underwear
with one’s crimson-colored sweatshirt.
I wore fuscia underwear for my entire freshman year.
(In fact, I distributed fuscia t-shirts as a uniform for our entire intramural football team).
I must say, my customized jeans were much more highly regarded..
A bit too “snug”,
lots of “bleached marbling”
and rips in the knees,
(before it was “a thing”).
They became my signature look.
I was also still so skinny,
that, on occasion,
I was able to borrow my girlfriend’s designer bell-bottom jeans.
(The only time I ever got into her pants).
Then along came “the Disco look” of the early 70’s.
I was in!
Silky…too-tight…wildly patterned…un-buttoned…Huck-a-Poo shirts.
I was a regular John Revolta!
I also had a “fancy” white brocaded shirt
that looked a bit like a doily.
That was for special occasions!
And then there was my “Wet Look” blue zipper jacket,
which I wore unzipped and shirtless…
to let my 3 or 4 chest hairs show.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
How could I possibly top that?
Just wait…
Checking out the rockstars who were driving all the groupies crazy…
I noted that leather pants were a key to their appeal!
I really, really wanted a pair of leathers.
I let my Mom know…
and being the great Mom that she was…
she promised to find a pair for me when I came home for winter break.
Only, Mom discovered that they were super-expensive.
So, as an alternative,
she found a “ultra-cool” (?) pair of…
VINYL pants!?!,
with a matching snap button jacket.
It was super-shiny brown,
and actually, I was diggin’ it!
I couldn’t wait to go back to Rochester, Michigan
and show off my NY rockstar self.
BUT…
the “ultra-cool” vinyl pants were way too long,
and I was leaving the next day!?
Mom leapt into action.
Instead of the onerous task of tailoring vinyl on a sewing machine,
my mom came up with the “quickie solution” of…
RUBBER CEMENTING the pant legs to the proper length!!
I tried them on…
and they, and I, were lookin’ good!
So good, that I decided to wear them on the plane back to school.
Not sure if I was imagining it…
but I’m pretty sure that I was scoring a lot of admiring looks
from the stewardesses.
But then came a bit of a problem…
As the rubber cement dried…
about a foot and a half of the tailored pant legs became incredibly stiff!
The super-shiny brown vinyl bell-bottoms…
became like two sharp ship rudders,
that made a “smacking noise” as I walked.
Of course, undeterred, I wore my vinyl suit several times,
flapping and smacking along the way.
Unfortunately, one day, I wore my rockstar threads in the rain…
and little squares of vinyl began peeling off ,
revealing blotches of the black material underneath,
creating a sort of unique…
“leprosy” lookl
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??
As I matured…
(no, make that “got older”)…
I toned down my haute couture efforts.
Working at an ad agency for over 25 years,
I wore basically the same outfit every day:
Jeans (with ragged bottom),
(no Jordache or Sasson),
and a blazer, (most often blue).
Still I did have one more embarrassing Forever Kid fashion moment
just a couple of years ago.
Since I was a kid, I never dressed “practically”.
Meaning I dress the same way year-round.
No winter coat.
No snow boots
No scarf.
No mittens.
My mom…and then my wife…and then my kids
would get on my case every winter.
Sure enough, on the day of a big NY snowstorm,
I had a meeting I had to attend.
From the bottom of my closet…
I was able to dig out a pair of boots
I had bought several years ago for a one-time only ski trip.
(I hate heights and the cold).
I had put the boots away, still caked with mud and still damp.
I put them on anyway.
As I walked down the snow-covered, puddle-filled 14th Street
with my business partner…
suddenly the boots started slowly falling apart,
like it was shedding a skin.
Then…
they EXPLODED!!!!
The entire sole came off!
The tops of the boots fell away!
I was left with the bare, minimal “frame” of what was, at one time,
footwear of some kind!
I walked down the street, virtually barefoot,
and wet,
and freezing!
I searched in desperation for a shoe store of any kind that was open in the storm.
I finally found a vintage shop
and scored a pair of multi-colored bowling shoes.
(Always stylish).
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??
Recently, during our Pandemic Lockdown…
I discovered sweatpants seem to work just fine.
Would love to hear about your early wardrobe choices.
