Tricks, Treats & Vinny
If there is any “official” Forever Kid holiday…
I’d have to say that Christmas is edged out by Halloween.
Sorry Santa…
but what can fulfill a kid’s fantasy more than
dressing up in costumes, scaring people
and gorging on massive amounts of CANDY??
I loved Halloween (mostly).
I can’t remember all my costumes,
I vaguely recollect a cowboy, a football player, a soldier
but I do recall some highlights:
A couple of years as a Beatnik…
dressed in all black
(including a turtleneck sweater…very “beat generation”),
a smudgy black-inked “goatee”,
for some random reason…a beret (?),
and, oh yeah… I’d carry a set of bongos.
Yeah, I was cool Daddy-O!
One year I was the iconic Mr. Clean…
this time, all in pure, bright, sterile white
(white “duck” slacks, white T-shirt, un-marked white sneaks),
and…
a stretch rubber “bald skull wig”, glued to my scalp
(very painful to remove!)
(NOT me!
My Mom always made my costumes,
but one year I begged her to buy me a super-hero costume at the local Woolworth’s…
I was The Phantom.
It sucked.
A one piece, flimsy, scratchy, light blue fabric
that actually had the words “The Phantom” across the chest,
a stiff, hard plastic mask…
too tight and hurt the back of my head.
Should have stayed with Mom’s styling.
Another year, I had just performed in a school holiday play as
Jack Frost.
(My one line: “Here I am Santa”).
My Mom made a great-looking costume…
Satiny white, with glitter (snowflakes), and a white pointy hat.
I WAS Jack Frost!!
But when Mom suggested a couple of weeks later,
that I reprise my role for Halloween…
I protested…
But everyone already saw that!!
So…my amazing Mom (in one night!) created yet another masterpiece…
(Also not me!)
Alladin.
Turban, vest, harem pants, pointy shoes…
A whole new world, indeed!
I remember how I loved going to school in costume.
All the kids would line up by class in the PS 91 school yard,
and parade around for all to see.
One year, my sister Ellen, a 6th grader, was assigned to my 3rd grade class
to lead us around.
She was dressed as a Senorita.
I felt mucho importante.
Trick or Treating in the Bronx was not exactly like in Spielberg movies.
No groups of kids walking down a colorful, tree-lined street
on a picture-perfect Autumn evening…
going door-to-door from one spookily decorated house to the next…
seeing the welcoming, carved Jack-O-Lanterns on every porch…
and then rapturously receiving beautifully ribbon-tied bags of “treats” from smiling neighbors.
Nah, Spielberg lied.
For starters…
there weren’t that many private homes in our ‘hood. (Or colorful trees).
Instead, we Bronx kids picked out a few neighborhood apartment houses,
and starting at the top floor…
worked our way down;
ringing bells to every apartment…
many not at home, others pretending not to be home and some shooing us away empty-handed.
We also, went into neighborhood stores/businesses…
perhaps to score a few pennies (or merch) from the owners.
Having said that…
we weren’t exactly a bunch of Oliver Twists…
“Please Sir, may I have a treat?”
Hitting 50-75 apartments per building…
we scored a LOT of candy!!
Usually just thrown loosely and unceremoniously into our treat bag.
Plus some loose change collected for …um, uh…UNICEF
Really???
For me, the very best part of Halloween was…
coming home with our bags bursting with “loot”…
dumping it all on the living room floor…
and “organizing” by categories and brands of candy.
Mini-Hershey Bars, Nestles Crunch, Candy Corn, Dots, Jelly Beans, Red
Hots, Malted Milk Balls (Whoppers), Kit Kats, Bit-O-Honey, Root Beer Barrels,
Butterfingers, Milky Ways, Baby Ruths, Lollypops,Chunkies, Turkish Taffy,Banana Splits,
Sugar Daddys, Kraft Caramels,Mini- Pumpkins
I actually may have liked the “organizing” and trading more than the eating.
Yeah, I loved Halloween…
But, as I said…mostly!
Because then there was…
VINNY!
Vinny was the neighborhood bully,
showing up randomly to terrorize me and my friends
whenever the mood struck him.
Vinny was not one of my classmates at PS 91….
rather, I always imagined that he was an “inmate” at some juvenile home
for “The Tough and Really, Really Nasty”.
So what does Vinny have to do with my Halloween?
Well one October 31st, as I was heading home with my “treat loot”,
just a few blocks from my house,
eagerly looking forward to my “categorizing” and ensuing candy orgy…
I turned the corner and there was Vinny.
I can’t honestly say that Vinny was an imposing figure…
actually he was a whole lot shorter than me.
BUT…he had that look.
Mean. Dangerous. Threatening. Smirking.
And he had a weapon!!
A “CHALK BAG”!!!....
A big sock filled up with semi-crushed colored chalk.
Vinny wildly swung it around over his head
like David readying for Goliath, (except he was the monster!)
He smacked a building wall several times for effect,
leaving several ominous chalk stains.
He then turned to me with the clear threat that I would be next to be “chalked” if…
I didn’t surrender my treats.
What do I do????
Give up my two, hard-earned bag-fulls?
Try to run away?
(Tough to do with a restrictive costume and lugging two big bags)
Or… fight the much smaller (but MUCH tougher) Vinny?
I’d like to say I channeled The Karate Kid and kicked some Vinny butt..
but…not so much.
Instead I channeled Judd for the Defense
and tried to negotiate a “settlement”
How about I give you one bag?
No deal.
Vinny pushed me down…
grabbed both bags…
and chalked me anyway.
I showed up at my house door,
breathlessly sobbing,
a beaten Beatnik splattered with blue chalk circles,
and…treat-less.
Talk about your Halloween horrors!
Vinny aside…
I still love Halloween.
I loved going through it all with my own kids
(and now grandkids).
And even while today,
Halloween seems to have been pre-empted by
20- and 30-something guys who dress up as violent monsters
and their female counterparts as sexy nurses, sexy nuns, sexy CPAs…
as a Forever Kid…
I still get costumed
(Even if it’s only to amuse the Trick or Treaters…and my wife.)
SO….
I wish you bagfulls of treats,
clever costumes,
and NO CHALK BAGS!!
Would love to hear your Halloween tales.
